A lot of people who have invested their time and emotions into a relationship find it very hard to let go, believing that things can and will work out, regardless of whether their partner still wants to be with them or not… Are you and your partner fighting all the time or just not getting along anymore? No matter how bad things get, it can be difficult to know when to get counseling and start fresh or call it quits.
It is common for relationships to have difficulties, but there are times when problems in a relationship will reach critical proportions.
God's Formula for a Happy Marriage - Basic Marital Needs - Spice It Up! - Compatibility Test - Prayer for Divine Help - Successful Change
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According to www.divorcestatistics.com, 45-50% of first marriages end in divorce in America. 60-67% of 2nd marriages end in divorce, while 70-73% of 3rd marriages are ended by divorce. To be sure, we have an epidemic in America... So, what is the condition of your relationship?
8 Signs Of A DEAD and LOVELESS Relationship
1. NO LOVE.
Love is vital for our happiness and well-being: True love, the kind that weathers the storms of life has to be cultivated and carefully tended, even though there will undoubtedly be strife during the course of a relationship: For example, a wife feels neglected while her husband is busy trying to support them. A husband feels inadequate, or rejected and denied by his wife, and a confused couple's originally fiery love is slowly cooling and dying out. These couples slowly but surely will push themselves apart. Their disappointments, anger, and resentment gnawing at their weakening bond.
2. NO DESIRE
The desire to be loved: Human beings have a natural and insuppressible desire to love and be loved.... Confront every desire with this question: what shall I gain by gratifying this desire and what shall I lose by suppressing it?
4. NO FORGIVENESS
Forgiving someone who hurt you is part of the recovery process:
Not letting go of past hurts, resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, will close you spirit, and block you from experiencing true love and joy in a relationship.
5. NO AFFECTION
Acts of love that leaves you feeling close, safe and appreciated:
Just as your body needs regular, nutritious meals to thrive, your marriage needs frequent doses of affection to grow. Too many spouses are starving for affection when God wants them to enjoy a delicious feast of it: (Non-sexual touch such as hugging and holding hands).
6.
NO COMPASSION
Compassion is the lifeblood of a marriage:
It feels like betrayal when he or she doesn't care or try to understand how you feel. Loss of compassion can feel like abuse, and the most insidious aspect of abuse is not the obvious nervous reactions to shouting, name-calling, criticism or other demeaning behavior. It's the adaptations you make to try to prevent those painful episodes from occurring.
7. NO SACRIFICES
You have to be willing to make sacrifices and compromises:
A healthy, enduring marriage requires hard work, thoughtfulness, and love. You can find happiness and companionship that will last a lifetime if you both do your part, and are willing to make sacrifices and compromises.
8. LACKING COMMUNICATION
Why is communication so critical in a marriage?
Lack of communication in all areas of the marriage, can cause strain on the relationship, and is a primary reason marriages fail. When the lines communication fails the marriage will end up on the rocks.
If your relationship is experiencing any of these symptoms it is time to get to the root of the problem, get counseling or whatever it takes to get your relationship back on track. God has already given the formula for a successful marriage.
So, what do we do when the love is gone?
If you are struggling in your marriage; things have changed and you don’t feel like you did and you don’t know what to do, or don’t care to do what you know, the following steps may help to put the spark back into your relationship:
1. Realize – First, you have to realize that before you can deal with a problem you have to admit that there is one… Somewhere along the way something happened, Or maybe, little by little you changed your process in your marriage. Perhaps it may have been the day to day stress of jobs, kids, dirty socks, or habits that were cute before, but in time became annoying; and little by little things changed. Or maybe you felt ignored or unappreciated as time pasted on.
Perhaps you might even have been legitimately wronged at one time or another and you didn’t say anything, but by the time you did, even though your mate tried to change it was too late and the damage was done. Or on the other hand, you said something but it fell on unsympathetic ears, until you just didn’t feel the same anymore. The truth is that you or your mate may be falling out of love and don’t feel like you once felt about each other… When this happens, the next thing to do is to:
2. Remember - how you used to love each other… Remember a time when there was nothing but each other. For instance, a time when you didn’t have two chairs that matched, or dishes that went together, or a had mismatched of silverware, or maybe a tiny little apartment, or when the two of you lived in your parents basement, you get the picture… Think back to a time when you didn’t have ANYTHING … but you had LOVE for each other.
3. Return – Make a consistent effort to ‘return’ to where you were when your relationship was happy. You have heard the phrase ‘Feelings follow Form’ or ‘Affection follows Action’. I know you may not be feeling affectionate anymore… but it has been shown that if you will force yourself to hug 3 times a day and hold for 30 seconds, eventually the joy will return to your marriage. The same is true for a kiss, or a nice gesture, such as an unexpected gift, or a few flowers … If you are sincere, and do this often enough, it has been my experience that a willing spirit will follow and that will sustain your relationship.
You see, if at all possible, it’s better to rebuild and rejoice with what you have, than to go through a breakup, fallout, and rebuilding with someone new. Not to mention the fact God hates divorce … God Himself is a forgiving God and in like manner, He calls us to be people of forgiveness. Remember, you fell in love before; you were romantic once, you were thoughtful once, you were spontaneous once… So, Realize, Remember, and Return to the beautiful selfless acts of love toward your mate; doing what you first did to win them over.
God Bless
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